Consultant’s Corner

The 2nd section of the book and what I’ve learned from Dale Carnegie and the masterpiece “How to Win Friends and Influence People”….

PART TWO – Six ways to make people like you

1.  Become Genuinely Interested in Other People

As Dale points out, have you seen how happy a dog is to meet you?

Can you think of how magical it is when you meet someone, who remembers something you had an interest in, and then the next time you meet them, they not only remember, but they’ve done something related for you, or passed on some information to you that is helpful? Do you feel obligated to them in some way?

When you step into someone’s office, what can you notice about the office? Pictures, items on the walls, the decorations… These are all clues to what people might be interested in. If you can find something in common that you are for real interested in, ask about it. Make sure the interest is genuine however because this too can seem manipulative if you are not “genuinely” interested.  I’ve used the opposite factor as well. If I see some hobby or other subject that I have absolutely zero experience or background with, I might ask about that as well..

2.  Smile

What is there to say about this principle that hasn’t been stated thousands of times… Smile on the phone as well as in person. It comes through in your voice and it sends physical signals through your nervous system that actually triggers an improvement in your mood.  A smile even when you are in a non-productive mood can work in reverse and improve your mood (the physical triggers the mental)

3. A Person’s Name is to that Person the Sweetest and Most Important Sound in any Language

Most people I know use the excuse “I am really bad at remembering names”. Well, what are you doing to get better at it? Practice repetion inside your head.. Write their name down (heck, even explain “Historically I have had trouble remembering people’s names and I want to make sure I get yours right so can you spell it for me?” ). Writing, speaking and reading all at the same time, you’ll remember their name (or anything else for that matter) that much faster and easier.

I have seen this principal used masterfully by a number of consultants and sales people but  I have also seen it overused and comes off as manipulative and intentional. If used masterfully, there is very little “defense” against this and if used incorrectly, there is very little you can do to overcome the wall of defensiveness that rises between you.

4. Be a Good Listener – Encourage Others to Talk About Themselves

My father used to tell me all the time that God gave you two ears and one mouth for a reason: To learn to listen more and talk less (obviously I still carry that around and value the advice).

I love the example in the book about the woman who wants to talk about her travels and how the conversation was shifted to allow her to do so. That one sticks in my mind continually and I use it as a guideline for conversations. This does trace back to #1 above too.

5. Talk in terms of the other person’s interest

I personally have learned to use this technique to help overcome a deep level of shyness. If I ask the other person a lot of questions about themselves (again it needs to be a genuine interest like #1 above) I don’t have to talk as much about me….

I have also see this principle overused by many people trying to build a level of conversation, but it is abundantly clear in their voice or in their behavior (they don’t listen to the answers of the questions they ask) that they really aren’t that interested, they are just asking to make conversation. That’s something to keep in mind.

6. Make the other person feel important: Do it Sincerely

As the book points out, we all have desires to be appreciated and noticed. Our identity is a major concern for any human being. We desire our own “brand” and some will spend lifetimes and millions of dollars to build it, even at their own peril or ruin.

I loved the story about the man dealing with the IRS agent and how he de-emphasizes the issue they were currently arguing about and makes the agent feel more important and starts to bring the agent around to his way of thinking.

Again, there’s a balance here and flattery will get you no where. The importance has to be real, the appreciation has to be real.

PART III Tomorrow…  As always, I heartily appreciate your comments, ideas, suggestions, etc.