Consultant’s Corner

The 3rd section of the book and principles 1-6. A continuation of  what I’ve learned from Dale Carnegie and the masterpiece “How to Win Friends and Influence People”….

PART THREE – How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking

1.  Avoid Arguments, You cannot win

“A mind convinced against its will is of the same opinion still” – I love that quote.

I also learned about the success of Ben Franklin

2. Show Respect for the other person’s opinions

Can you see how (if you were in the other persons shoes, had their background and experience) might come to their conclusions? A major part of success in dealing with people is the simple, most basic, realization that not everyone sees the world exactly the same as you do. Things that are obvious to you may not at all trigger their nervous system in the same way. Not any of can truly “see reality” exactly the same. So, we need some respect for other’s opinion.

3. If  You are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically

This might be my favorite and I have used it throughout my entire career. As a consultant, you are often expected to “know everything” and to be the expert. The one thing that years of consulting has taught me is that you cannot possibly know everything. I’ve turned many a meeting around from a very contentious demeanor into a constructive conversation simply by quickly and emphatically admitting our mistakes. It is amazing how many times, the other party has quickly backed off their “attack” and (just like in the book) begins to come up with excuses as to why we made the mistakes, and how the situation wasn’t really completely our fault, etc…. I am still stunned when this happens but I’ve seen it time and again. Want to turn around a tough situation, open your heart, and admit your mistakes…..

4. Begin in a friendly way

The technique of making people believe your ideas are theirs is very powerful when done right. I’ve seen this used masterfully by experienced negotiators and consultants. I have to admit this is a technique that I use regularly. The default thought process is that in order to build identity, you want your ideas to be recognized and so you want to take credit. What I’ve found however through observation and experience is that its about “results” and not necessarily whose idea it is. Being continuously associated with successful outcomes vs. being the person with “the good idea” is a much more productive way to build credibility and launch your career. Giving up ideas and getting results is what it is all about.

5.  Get the other person saying “yes” “yes” immediately

This is a classic in negotiations techniques. Once we start saying “yes” it is physically difficult to switch over and say “no”. There is interia. Very powerful when you can plan out the conversation.  There’s a flip side to this that I learned from Dr. Cialdini  in his book on Influence about asking an immediate follow up question when you get a “no”. People don’t like to say “no” over and over to someone face to face. They want to help others… Get them saying “yes” and you build momentum.

6. Let the Other Person do a great deal of the talking

Being somewhat shy in nature, this one was easy for me but it works quite well. I may have in fact, attracted the love of my life using this principle. She tells me all the time that I am a “good listener”. People work out problems and issues themselves and often just need  a sounding board. They appreciate your company and the “help” you provide simply by being there while they talked it out with themselves…

I’m really enjoying this recap of my favorite book and there’s more to come in the next post…

As always, I heartily appreciate your comments, ideas, suggestions, etc.