Consultant’s Corner

One of my all time favorite books (and one that I’ve probably read and/or listened to more than50 times) is Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People“.

I first picked up this book in college to work on overcoming a terrible shyness and fear of meeting people.

Over the years it has served as a near constant companion in my car during commutes and driving to visit customers (In 1997 I put 45,000 miles on the car  and Dale was with me nearly every mile). While I never personally attended a Dale Carnegie Course, early in my career I had the pleasure to work with an electrical engineer who was very quiet and often mumbled and was difficult to understand. Our mutual manager suggested that he attend a Dale Carnegie Course and he accepted. You would not believe the transition in this person over the next few months. I was literally like night and day with him. Since then, I’ve been sold on the application of the principals.

Anyone who wants to improve their business, their career or personal success and doesn’t live in a cave or deserted island, that this book is absolutely required reading. In fact, I might go so far as to say that it is required reading to stay employed in today’s global economy.

If you have read it already, pick it up again this summer and give it a refresher. If you haven’t yet read this, you need to pick it up tomorrow and get started.

Part One – Fundamental Techniques to Handle People – Three principles

1. Don’t Criticize, Condem, or Complain….

With people we aren’t normally dealing with creatures of logic and rationality and so to criticize creates a defensive posture. Use your language to find ways to provide more praise then condemnation. (Of course in some situations you want direct and honest feedback or you need to provide it but only when your recipient is open to that approach otherwise you won’t get far).

On the issue of complaining, simply put: avoid complaining. One of the best tips I continue to use is to:  Listen to yourself for the next 24 hours and notice, how many complaints come out of your mouth.  I bet you never realize how prevalent it is in our culture…  Become aware,  and stamp out the complaining in your life. Be grateful what you have, find excuses to be happy and shut up about the weather…You’ll be glad you did

2. Give Honest and Sincere Appreciation

There is only one way to get anybody to do anything: You have to make that person want to do it. People want to feel important, bottom line.  My favorite quote from this section:  “Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

Important: This principle is not about flattery. That is why it says “Honest and Sincere” appreciation.

3.  Arouse in the Other Person an Eager Want

I love the example of the letter to the college boys who wouldn’t take the time to correspond with their mother, how happened to be Andrew Carnegie’s sister. Mr. Carnegie wagers that he can get the boys to respond immediately. He writes the letter to the boys indicating he is including some money but doesn’t include the actual $5 bill. The boys immediately write back reminding him that he failed to include the money in the original letter..  If you can create thoughts of what that person wants or frankly wants to avoid,  you will be able to move them very easily.  Like the laws of motion (an object at rest tends to remain at rest) if they don’t have a desire to move then they simply won’t move. You need to provide the external stimulus to get that object moving. You need to either mine, or create that eager want.

More Tomorrow of the other parts of the book….