Recently I had  conflicting commitments between some business clients and getting something done for the homefront. I fully intended to accomplish both but alas, I haven’t perfected the science of being in two places at once. Breakdown ahead! Overall I managed to either meet, delegate, negotiate down, or say No to almost all requests for help, but there have been a few items that still have been late or dropped altogether…..

Neglecting clients or making commitments that you know you cannot keep however is certain death for the consultant looking to build trust and long term relationships.

Overall personally I have to say that my track record has improved over the years in this space but old habits sometimes re-emerge. As I’m beating up myself a bit for missing some commitments I thought I’d pass along these words to others as well. 

I think it was Steven Covey where I first read about: Each time you miss a commitment, you make a “withdrawl” from the bank of trust and goodwill. Each time you can meet a commitment, show up on time, finish the report, etc.  you make a deposit.  In order to have a healthy career and life, you need to make more deposits than withdrawls.

Bottom line, You have to be careful not to overcommit or you risk losing everything, even the people or things that you are truly committed to as well as the items that you were more sincere in the moment…..

No posts for a while due to the fact that we’ve been extremely busy (and I’m swimming in some short term breakdowns as a result). Hope you all have a great day….

The 3rd section of the book and principles 1-6. A continuation of  what I’ve learned from Dale Carnegie and the masterpiece “How to Win Friends and Influence People”….

PART THREE – How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking

1.  Avoid Arguments, You cannot win

“A mind convinced against its will is of the same opinion still” – I love that quote.

I also learned about the success of Ben Franklin

2. Show Respect for the other person’s opinions

Can you see how (if you were in the other persons shoes, had their background and experience) might come to their conclusions? A major part of success in dealing with people is the simple, most basic, realization that not everyone sees the world exactly the same as you do. Things that are obvious to you may not at all trigger their nervous system in the same way. Not any of can truly “see reality” exactly the same. So, we need some respect for other’s opinion.

3. If  You are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically

This might be my favorite and I have used it throughout my entire career. As a consultant, you are often expected to “know everything” and to be the expert. The one thing that years of consulting has taught me is that you cannot possibly know everything. I’ve turned many a meeting around from a very contentious demeanor into a constructive conversation simply by quickly and emphatically admitting our mistakes. It is amazing how many times, the other party has quickly backed off their “attack” and (just like in the book) begins to come up with excuses as to why we made the mistakes, and how the situation wasn’t really completely our fault, etc…. I am still stunned when this happens but I’ve seen it time and again. Want to turn around a tough situation, open your heart, and admit your mistakes…..

4. Begin in a friendly way

The technique of making people believe your ideas are theirs is very powerful when done right. I’ve seen this used masterfully by experienced negotiators and consultants. I have to admit this is a technique that I use regularly. The default thought process is that in order to build identity, you want your ideas to be recognized and so you want to take credit. What I’ve found however through observation and experience is that its about “results” and not necessarily whose idea it is. Being continuously associated with successful outcomes vs. being the person with “the good idea” is a much more productive way to build credibility and launch your career. Giving up ideas and getting results is what it is all about.

5.  Get the other person saying “yes” “yes” immediately

This is a classic in negotiations techniques. Once we start saying “yes” it is physically difficult to switch over and say “no”. There is interia. Very powerful when you can plan out the conversation.  There’s a flip side to this that I learned from Dr. Cialdini  in his book on Influence about asking an immediate follow up question when you get a “no”. People don’t like to say “no” over and over to someone face to face. They want to help others… Get them saying “yes” and you build momentum.

6. Let the Other Person do a great deal of the talking

Being somewhat shy in nature, this one was easy for me but it works quite well. I may have in fact, attracted the love of my life using this principle. She tells me all the time that I am a “good listener”. People work out problems and issues themselves and often just need  a sounding board. They appreciate your company and the “help” you provide simply by being there while they talked it out with themselves…

I’m really enjoying this recap of my favorite book and there’s more to come in the next post…

As always, I heartily appreciate your comments, ideas, suggestions, etc.

The 2nd section of the book and what I’ve learned from Dale Carnegie and the masterpiece “How to Win Friends and Influence People”….

PART TWO – Six ways to make people like you

1.  Become Genuinely Interested in Other People

As Dale points out, have you seen how happy a dog is to meet you?

Can you think of how magical it is when you meet someone, who remembers something you had an interest in, and then the next time you meet them, they not only remember, but they’ve done something related for you, or passed on some information to you that is helpful? Do you feel obligated to them in some way?

When you step into someone’s office, what can you notice about the office? Pictures, items on the walls, the decorations… These are all clues to what people might be interested in. If you can find something in common that you are for real interested in, ask about it. Make sure the interest is genuine however because this too can seem manipulative if you are not “genuinely” interested.  I’ve used the opposite factor as well. If I see some hobby or other subject that I have absolutely zero experience or background with, I might ask about that as well..

2.  Smile

What is there to say about this principle that hasn’t been stated thousands of times… Smile on the phone as well as in person. It comes through in your voice and it sends physical signals through your nervous system that actually triggers an improvement in your mood.  A smile even when you are in a non-productive mood can work in reverse and improve your mood (the physical triggers the mental)

3. A Person’s Name is to that Person the Sweetest and Most Important Sound in any Language

Most people I know use the excuse “I am really bad at remembering names”. Well, what are you doing to get better at it? Practice repetion inside your head.. Write their name down (heck, even explain “Historically I have had trouble remembering people’s names and I want to make sure I get yours right so can you spell it for me?” ). Writing, speaking and reading all at the same time, you’ll remember their name (or anything else for that matter) that much faster and easier.

I have seen this principal used masterfully by a number of consultants and sales people but  I have also seen it overused and comes off as manipulative and intentional. If used masterfully, there is very little “defense” against this and if used incorrectly, there is very little you can do to overcome the wall of defensiveness that rises between you.

4. Be a Good Listener – Encourage Others to Talk About Themselves

My father used to tell me all the time that God gave you two ears and one mouth for a reason: To learn to listen more and talk less (obviously I still carry that around and value the advice).

I love the example in the book about the woman who wants to talk about her travels and how the conversation was shifted to allow her to do so. That one sticks in my mind continually and I use it as a guideline for conversations. This does trace back to #1 above too.

5. Talk in terms of the other person’s interest

I personally have learned to use this technique to help overcome a deep level of shyness. If I ask the other person a lot of questions about themselves (again it needs to be a genuine interest like #1 above) I don’t have to talk as much about me….

I have also see this principle overused by many people trying to build a level of conversation, but it is abundantly clear in their voice or in their behavior (they don’t listen to the answers of the questions they ask) that they really aren’t that interested, they are just asking to make conversation. That’s something to keep in mind.

6. Make the other person feel important: Do it Sincerely

As the book points out, we all have desires to be appreciated and noticed. Our identity is a major concern for any human being. We desire our own “brand” and some will spend lifetimes and millions of dollars to build it, even at their own peril or ruin.

I loved the story about the man dealing with the IRS agent and how he de-emphasizes the issue they were currently arguing about and makes the agent feel more important and starts to bring the agent around to his way of thinking.

Again, there’s a balance here and flattery will get you no where. The importance has to be real, the appreciation has to be real.

PART III Tomorrow…  As always, I heartily appreciate your comments, ideas, suggestions, etc.

One of my all time favorite books (and one that I’ve probably read and/or listened to more than50 times) is Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People“.

I first picked up this book in college to work on overcoming a terrible shyness and fear of meeting people.

Over the years it has served as a near constant companion in my car during commutes and driving to visit customers (In 1997 I put 45,000 miles on the car  and Dale was with me nearly every mile). While I never personally attended a Dale Carnegie Course, early in my career I had the pleasure to work with an electrical engineer who was very quiet and often mumbled and was difficult to understand. Our mutual manager suggested that he attend a Dale Carnegie Course and he accepted. You would not believe the transition in this person over the next few months. I was literally like night and day with him. Since then, I’ve been sold on the application of the principals.

Anyone who wants to improve their business, their career or personal success and doesn’t live in a cave or deserted island, that this book is absolutely required reading. In fact, I might go so far as to say that it is required reading to stay employed in today’s global economy.

If you have read it already, pick it up again this summer and give it a refresher. If you haven’t yet read this, you need to pick it up tomorrow and get started.

Part One – Fundamental Techniques to Handle People – Three principles

1. Don’t Criticize, Condem, or Complain….

With people we aren’t normally dealing with creatures of logic and rationality and so to criticize creates a defensive posture. Use your language to find ways to provide more praise then condemnation. (Of course in some situations you want direct and honest feedback or you need to provide it but only when your recipient is open to that approach otherwise you won’t get far).

On the issue of complaining, simply put: avoid complaining. One of the best tips I continue to use is to:  Listen to yourself for the next 24 hours and notice, how many complaints come out of your mouth.  I bet you never realize how prevalent it is in our culture…  Become aware,  and stamp out the complaining in your life. Be grateful what you have, find excuses to be happy and shut up about the weather…You’ll be glad you did

2. Give Honest and Sincere Appreciation

There is only one way to get anybody to do anything: You have to make that person want to do it. People want to feel important, bottom line.  My favorite quote from this section:  “Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

Important: This principle is not about flattery. That is why it says “Honest and Sincere” appreciation.

3.  Arouse in the Other Person an Eager Want

I love the example of the letter to the college boys who wouldn’t take the time to correspond with their mother, how happened to be Andrew Carnegie’s sister. Mr. Carnegie wagers that he can get the boys to respond immediately. He writes the letter to the boys indicating he is including some money but doesn’t include the actual $5 bill. The boys immediately write back reminding him that he failed to include the money in the original letter..  If you can create thoughts of what that person wants or frankly wants to avoid,  you will be able to move them very easily.  Like the laws of motion (an object at rest tends to remain at rest) if they don’t have a desire to move then they simply won’t move. You need to provide the external stimulus to get that object moving. You need to either mine, or create that eager want.

More Tomorrow of the other parts of the book….

Part 12 – General Devices for Lowering Morale and Creating Confusion

(a) Give lengthy and incomprehensible explanations when questioned (or one of my  favorites, don’t answer the question that was asked, answer something else…my kids do that all the time).

(b) Report imaginary spies or danger to the Gestapo or police (or in today’s language, make up rumors or invent political problems or concerns that don’t exist. Be paranoid or conspiracy minded,  see the How to be Miserable video in an earlier post).

(c) Act stupid.

(d) Be as irritable and quarrelsome as possible without getting yourself into trouble (see the How to be miserable video in an earlier post).

(e) Misunderstand all sorts of regulations (i.e. processes, policies and procedures) concerning such matters as rationing, transportation, traffic regulations (or worse, don’t pay attention when the process is rolled out and then complain when your expenses are denied or delayed because YOU didn’t want to follow all the steps required).

(f) Complain against ersatz (replacement) materials.

(g) In public treat axis nationals or quislings coldly (treat your manager, the traitor, as if she or he is “not one of us anymore”).

(h) Stop all conversation when axis nationals or quislings enter a cafe (when the boss enters the room stop talking immediately. Leave the impression you are plotting something).

(i) Cry and sob hysterically at every occasion, especially when confronted by government clerks (“corporate” Accounting or HR).

(j) Boycott all movies, entertainments, concerts, newspapers which are in any way connected with the quisling authorities (my manager has “sold out” so I’m not going to cooperate).

(k) Do not cooperate in salvage schemes (or project-gone-bad rescues, etc.).

More from the Simple Sabotage Field Manual… (Or how not to be a good consultant)

Part 11 – General Interference with Organisations and Production (Continued w/emphasis added)

(a) Office Workers

1) Make mistakes in quantities of material when you are copying orders (or basically any other business process or work task) . Confuse similar names. Use wrong addresses.

2) Prolong correspondence with government bureaus (spend tons of time in email about non essential elements of the project).

3) Misfile essential documents.

4) In making carbon copies, make one too few, so that an extra copying job will have to be done.

5) Tell important callers the boss is busy or talking on another telephone.

6) Hold up mail until the next collection.

7) Spread disturbing rumors that sound like inside dope.

(b) Employees

1) Work slowly. Think out ways to increase the number of movements necessary on your job: use a light hammer instead of a heavy one, try to make a small wrench do when a big one is necessary, use little force where considerable force is needed, and so on.

2) Contrive as many interruptions to your work as you can: when changing the material on which you are working, as you would on a lathe or punch, take needless time to do it. If you are cutting, shaping or doing other measured work, measure dimensions twice as often as you need to. When you go to the lavatory, spend a longer time there than is necessary. Forget tools so that you will have to go back after them.

3) Even if you understand the language, pretend not to understand instructions in a foreign tongue. Translating to what we do: Don’t bother to take the time to learn the other person’s “language” at all, for example the marketing speak, or the terms and language used in the Engineering or Logistics group

4) Pretend that instructions are hard to understand, and ask to have them repeated more than once. Or pretend that you are particularly anxious to do your work, and pester the foreman with unnecessary questions.

5) Do your work poorly and blame it on bad tools, machinery, or equipment. Complain that these things are preventing you from doing your job right. (and its not your fault)

6) Never pass on your skill and experience to a new or less skillful worker (A common tactic played by many under the guise of “job security” which is an oxymoron in today’s world)

7) Snarl up administration in every possible way. Fill out forms illegibly so that they will have to be done over; make mistakes or omit requested information in forms.

If possible, join or help organize a group for presenting employee problems to the management. See that the procedures adopted are as inconvenient as possible for the management, involving the presence of a large number of employees at each presentation, entailing more than one meeting for each grievance, bringing up problems which are largely imaginary, and so on.

9) Misroute materials (intentionally or through ignorance?).

10) Mix good parts with unusable scrap and rejected parts.

Part III tomorrow…

General Interference with Organizations and Production

(a) Organizations and Conferences

1). Insist on doing everything through “channels.” Never permit short-cuts to be taken in order to expedite decisions.

2). Make “speeches.” Talk as frequently as possible and at great length. Illustrate your “points” by long anecdotes and accounts of personal experiences. Never hesitate to make a few appropriate “patriotic” comments.

3). When possible, refer all matters to committees, for “further study and consideration.” Attempt to make the committees as large as possible — never less than five.

4). Bring up irrelevant issues as frequently as possible.

5). Haggle over precise wordings of communications, minutes, resolutions.

6). Refer back to matters decided upon at the last meeting and attempt to re-open the question of the advisability of that decision.

7). Advocate “caution.” Be “reasonable” and urge your fellow-conferees to be “reasonable” and avoid haste which might result in embarrassments or difficulties later on.

8). Be worried about the propriety of any decision — raise the question of whether such action as is contemplated lies within the jurisdiction of the group or whether it might conflict with the policy of some higher echelon.

(b) Managers and Supervisors

1). Demand written orders.

2). “Misunderstand” orders. Ask endless questions or engage in long correspondence about such orders. Quibble over them when you can.

3). Do everything possible to delay the delivery of orders. Even though parts of an order may be ready beforehand, don’t deliver it until it is completely ready.

4). Don’t order new working materials until your current stocks have been virtually exhausted, so that the slightest delay in filling your order will mean a shutdown.

5). Order high-quality materials which are hard to get. If you don’t get them argue about it. Warn that inferior materials will mean inferior work.

6). In making work assignments, always sign out the unimportant jobs first. See that the important jobs are assigned to inefficient workers of poor machines.

7). Insist on perfect work in relatively unimportant products; send back for refinishing those which have the least flaw. Approve other defective parts whose flaws are not visible to the naked eye.

8). Make mistakes in routing so that parts and materials will be sent to the wrong place in the plant.

9). When training new workers, give incomplete or misleading instructions.

10). To lower morale and with it, production, be pleasant to inefficient workers; give them undeserved promotions. Discriminate against efficient workers; complain unjustly about their work.

11). Hold conferences when there is more critical work to be done.

12). Multiply paper work in plausible ways. Start duplicate files.

13). Multiply the procedures and clearances involved in issuing instructions, pay checks, and so on. See that three people have to approve everything where one would do.

14). Apply all regulations to the last letter.

… More tomorrow

Complexity of decisions…

I was sitting through an online demo of a software tool this morning when I was struck by some powerful emotions.  You see I was looking to purchase the software as a means to better run a start up business I’ve been dreaming about for some time. The software was quite impressive and did a lot of things that a small business owner could really take advantage of.  Half way through the demo however I was struck however by this wave of emotion. It was a combination of excitment, dread, and fear, all at the same time.  I’ll explain…

The excitement was obviously because I could see the potential in what this tool could do. Leveraging technology to get a ton more done? That’s what I’ve helped clients do for almost 2 decades now. As the customer now, I get it. Great concept! With this new gadget, tool, gizmo, etc.  my mind was racing with all the possibilities.

That’s when reality comes creeping back in…..  The realization and self doubt, that holds many of us back from trying new things and new opportunties, etc.  The “doubter” in me started to come up with all the reasons why this purchase would be “bad”. Here’s a few, I bet you could come up with more:

1. You don’t the time or resources to figure all this out…

2. I don’t really have the business plan solidified enough to know what I need so how do I know what features are really importan (this is really about knowing what you need vs. what you want).

3. Most days I can’t even get a decent sales letter written, how would I take advantage of such a complex tool and process?

4. Its a waste of money right now because I’m not ready to implement.

AND SO ON….

I had to take a step back and say WOAH! What’s happening here?  It clicked for me on two levels.

First, and maybe most obvious,  I have some more planning and thinking to do on the business side about what I really want to do with this endeavor. (That’s probably pretty common).

But more relevant to this blog was the 2nd revelation. “I wonder how many times I do this to my clients?“…..

How many times have I or the team been in front of a client and working with them on a solution or consulting engagement that, from the outside point of view, was blatantly clear they needed (and of course I had the abilty to really help)?  How many times have I say demoed software features, or talked about all the great things they could do and how exciting it was and I potentially failed to realize the fear I might be creating in my customers?

How many sales or engagements have we lost because of that? Because of my over excitement and optimism in helping customers, how many times did I miss the signals?

So I share this same thought with you and ask you the consultant, the  same question….

Are you aware of what conversation is going on in your clients heads?

Are you ‘overselling’ your position because you think they are interested in steps 9, 10, and 11, when really they are focused and stuck on step 2 or 3?  As a consultant, we are hired in as “experts” who have worked with many customers across many industries and “have seen this before” experience.  How many times however, does that knowledge and experience get in the way because the same client that hires us for that experience, gets easily overwhelmed by that volume of knowledge?

I look forward to your comments and experience on this topic…  Hope you have a great and productive day.

Thanks Mark and thank you Tim for this fine video.

Consultant’s  Corner.  I wanted to start a blog related to the consulting of consultants that I tend to spend most of my time on these days as the manager of a consulting office for a national Information Technology Consulting Company.  I have tons of material and presentations and other items that I figured needs a single place to be stored in order to keep a record of everything and put some coherence behind all the material that I’ve collected/generated over almost 2 decades of consulting with clients in the IT space.

At some point I’ll likely move this to another domain, but I have this domain available and wasn’t doing anything with it, so this is the home for Consultant’s corner.